The Sims: frighteningly close to real life

April 25, 2006 - Tuesday


All I wanted to do was kiss her!

So my friend's 6 yr old daughter was playing Sims and she decided to create herself a girlfriend.
She decided to kiss the girl. Not paying too much attention to her, no one knew what was happening but you could hear all this clicking. All of a sudden there's this sound of wedding bells. The little girl suddenly blurts out "OH Darn, we're married? But all I wanted to do was kiss her!"

Who says Sims isn't realistic~ Isn't that the way it usually goes down?

10:43 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Inside my thoughts

I've gone over this and under
Danced gracefully around my blunder
Popping pills called passion
While you dole out love in ration
It's effective, selective
Momentarily objective
I gave my notice to your heart
You said don't kill it before we start
So I take your hand
And walk sleepily in the sand
As you calm my fire
and build a hearth for my desire

Nichole P Leigh

Black/White girl

April 18, 2006 - Tuesday


Black White Girl
Current mood: ponderous

Today I was told that my friend was almost certain thet I was part Negro. I could go on to explain the reasons why, but they have no relevance in this blog. It was very endearing coming from her. She's an amazing, classy Jewish/African American woman and I respect and love her deeply. I told her that I didn't think (or wasn't aware of) having any negro blood, although I wouldn't mind if I did.

She went on to tell me about her philosophy that when something is in your blood, even just in the tiniest bit, one is somehow more connected to the culture. You don't have to know it or have been raised with it.

Case in point: Someone recently was told that she is 1/8th Native American. Her tribe is the Lenape (Delaware, as named by the white man). She said what was interesting was that those people (her people?) were simplisticly creative wearing a simple beaded headband with a feather or two hanging down. They prefered simple and elegant beadwork over more ornate fashions. This leads to the interesting part... her mother (1/4 blood) has had this amazingly intimate love for beadwork. It has been her art of choice since as far back as she can remember and she created lovely beaded fashions long before they were cool. She was so connected to this before we ever knew the truth about who her grandmother was.

A dear friend of mine who is Native American (Lummi tribe) was expaining to me that he was not surprised. In his culture, anscestors live on in spirit through you. Even if you are unaware of who your anscestors are.

I find it interesting to think of all the peoples and cultures centuries back that incorporate my bloodline. Especially since I don't even know what it all is. I wonder about the time before we ever adapted to our climates and became Asian, European, African, and what not, when we were all just one people in the beginning. We are clearly coming to a point in our "melting pot" that we are becoming one race again. Will we then migrate and adapt centuries from now and our current cultures will become once again the forgotten people of the past?

I decided to tackle the National Archives and see what I could find.

If my behavior and being is dictated somehow through unknown channels of DNA or "spirit" to my ancestors, then it seems more important than ever to find out who these people are. It's a very daunting task, but I'm saddened to think of those who weren't considered worth records like the descendants of slavery. Saddened once again at the aftermath in that they may never know their true roots.

My question for everyone today is this (and please, please answer as best you can in your comments):

Do you know who you are?

7:55 PM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Animal instincts

April 17, 2006 - Monday


Animal Instincts
Current mood: mournful
Category: mournful Pets and Animals
I'm alergic to cats, but somehow I wound up with a couple. Begrudgingly, I even ended up really attached. My orange tomcat was hilarious. For that much entertainment, the allergies were easily a bargain.

When Kingston cat was dying, we found my little dog and other kitty curled up next to him. Marco was barking at him and snuggling him to try to get him to snap out of it.

The usual m/o of 'hide all day' Bamboo was thrown aside. Now she sits at the window all day or by the door for Kingston to come home and he doesn't. Her watch is determined and steady without even the usual wince as strangers pass by.

Both of them seem so needy these days and their appetites have gone. I wonder if they understand.

I got a sympathy card in the mail today from the vet and I burst into tears.

Geez, it's just a cat. Animals die, people die. So why is this so hard? Was it because his death was so incredibly violent and traumatic? I don't know why I'm so affected. We are innundated with Dr. Phil's and Life coaches. Numbed by the nightly news and CSI. My educated superior brain is supposed to know how to keep our hearts safe from ache, right? I guess I'm just primitive like Marco and Boo. Instinct is to mourn, so I'm just going to lay down and cry.

'tis better to give than receive

I'm alive
I'm open wide.

Last night I gave sensuality
You bled love over top of me

I'm a giver, it's hard for me to receive
I need to get to that place
Where I'm wrapped around you finger
Could you please love me less?

i know a girl (Poetry)

I know a girl who slips on her heart
She better stop doing it or else she'll get hurt.
She's cool, she cares, she'll make you al-right
It's all about you when she's in your world.
People walk by her and say ooh, baby, that's what I love a-bout you.
But I'm watching her spirit die cuz no one says I love you.

I wonder if she's like the lillies in my yard.
Every year I cut them to the core.
The next year they come back for more.
How many seasons of frost can she take?
Can she die a million times and avoid the rake?
I want to tell her I love her. But I don't. I only love how she makes me feel.

© Nichole Leigh

Undeliverable (Poetry)

Undeliverable

I'm longing for your love.
I'm longing for you to hold me.
Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat.
It's not you on the other side.

You wrapped us up in a neat package.
And mailed us off to an unknown address.

Please, my love
Tell me what was missing.
Tell me where I went wrong.
Tell me what keeps you longing for something else.

I had so much more to give to you
But it all lays waste in a pile marked "undeliverable"

© Nichole Leigh

Are emotions like dandelions? Left unattended they multiply

So I had an interesting conversation today with a friend of mine. We deciided to make today THE day to go grocery shopping. It was some SERIOUS shopping, first to Trader Joes for all the organic and swank stuff, not to mention the cheap wine. Then it was off to Safeway for the staples. Finally it was Uwajimaya to get green tea ice cream, sashimi, and oysters.

So this girl, I love her but she's in a hard space right now. She's feeling a lot of emotions right now and she's kinda pissed that she even has to be dealing with the stuff that she is.

I started thinking about my last blog and I tried to deliver the virtues of emoting. But she was just pissed. It dawned on me that the difference between me, being ok with my emotions and those that don't want to feel is that I'm not carrying a secondary emotion. *I have no idea if this is a real concept, but I'm gonna take credit for it at least until someone sets me straight. As far as I know it came to me a priori.

It's a realtively simple concept. You have emotions that make you uncomfortable and a secondary emotion develops either in response or defense. One that is sad or depressed becomes angry. One that is lonely becomes depressed and so forth. This extra emotion complicates and prolongs the situation whereas just being in the moment/feeling the first emotion helps you move on and grow. If you deal with it, the other one can't develop. So the question is, and possibly the answer: Why not stop doing that?

Psycho Killer ~Qu'est que c'est?

I think I should add a DISCLAIMER to this so that I don't get myself into trouble:
* this blog is NOT based on actual events or persons other than myself, noone was harmed in it's writing and if you feel it is directed to you personally rest assured that I did not have anyone in mind when writing it. But please feel free to do some self-examinating if it strikes a chord. With that said, read on my friends!

People that think they don't feel emotions are WRONG! It surprises me these days how many people say they don't get mad, aren't mad, don't get sad, never get REALLY excited, don't really seem to feel anything ~no ups, no downs. It's not possible, unless you are a serial killer. The actual definition for someone who does not feel is a sociopath.....hmmm, I don't think I want to be THAT!

I'm not saying you have to be a manic depressive, but get real. Most of these people share their anger in a passive agressive manner or run from the highs in life and hide behind a veil of stability. Unfortunately, these are the same people that end up unhealthy, unhappy, unstable or alone. The sad part is that they never experienced life any other way and probably don't have a clue how wonderful it is with emotions.

I'm so glad that I'm a fireball who experiences and savors every moment and emotion I feel GOOD or BAD! I'm probably the most balanced person I know and I'm happy because I let myself get hurt so I know what feeling good really feels like when it comes. Or at least I know I'm real and alive.

Leaving a lover

Leaving a lover

You said you finally believe me now.
We were once connected as one
Making myself better bleeds you out.
How can I be hurting you this way?
Issuing pain in daily doses like Methadone.
Am I worth your price?
If I sustain you, please keep a part of me.
I don't want to be paid in full.
I've left you, but not because I didn't love you.
Take that with your guitar
And play me always in your heart.
I cannot be yours, but what I gave is yours to keep.

The Science of LOVE

So who else read the February issue of National Geographic? *I might be the only nerd on MySpace*
Weeeeellllll....as you can see it's about love. But not what you think. They break the whole thing down by chemical reactions in your brain.

Did you know that your brain creates massive amounts of Dopamine from the first month extending into the first year or so of a relationship? It certainly explains the euphoria, reckless behavior, and feeling of invincibility. Interestingly though, the brain in love is indistinguishable from the brain with OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder). Both brains create extremely low levels of Seratonin making being lovesick analgous to mental disease.

But Passion ends after the Dopamine surges wear off. We needed the passionate love to copulate, but it also creates the desire to breed. Doped up on Dopamine, couples tend to procreate and then bond over the "task" of raising a child (at least through infancy). Sadly, most couple break up after 4 years when the child is no longer a helpless infant. Some cultures balk at the thought of selecting a mate based on something so fleeting as passion.



There seems to be several years of not much happening at all, but by golly if we can make it to the decade or 15 year mark, we get more brain goodies from our partner. Couples that have grown to love each other over the time where there is no more *high* no more *cautious handling of the replicated DNA* get the whopper of all brain chemies, the Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes a feeling of bonding and connection. It is the one that mothers release when nursing their babies.

Evolutionary Psychologists say attraction comes from health and body structure. Things like that 70 percent waist to hip ratio signifying fertility in a woman and a man with rugged features signifies a massive amount of Testosterone yielding a strong immunity for your child.

In a Swiss experiment asking 49 women to smell sweaty T-shirts previously worn by unidentified men revealed a similar result. The women rated the shirts from best-smelling to worst-smelling. The result: Women preferred the scent of a T-shirt worn by a man whose genotype was most different from hers. The result of this pairing of opposing genotypes is a child with a strong immune system.

Jogging in place when you first meet someone or riding a roller coaster on your first date will usually lead to more and more dates. Scientists believe that novelty triggers Dopamine and doing something novel with your date from the get go is more likely to *feed* the attraction. So remember, be silly and have fun and you might just fall in love!

Comments:
I didn't read that particular article, but yes, I did read the whole Dopamine deal in a medical journal that's out of England when I was doing some research about chemicals in our brains during love. You added some very interesting and salient information on this subject. I'm really interested in the sweaty t-shirt thing ... Oxytocin is also what they give you if you aren't birthing your baby fast enough. How novel that it is also linked to bonding and connection. I would never have guessed that part in a zillion years. Honestly, I can't wait to read your blogs. They always make me think, think, think.
Posted by Cocoalove (Flexwriter) on April 4, 2006 - Tuesday at 11:53 PM

Well, there's a whole lotta sheeeet that I have to research because I'm a philosopher, I have a desperate need to GET it! I'm excited that I can see love in a more logical light! Crazy about Oxytocin, maybe all the "induced" babies are more bonded from the start?
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on April 4, 2006 - Tuesday at 11:56 PM

I can't say that I actually read my Nat'l Geographic this time around, I'll have to get that one out from under the coffee table leg (hehe just kidding I love NG!!), but this was an awesome blog. I loved it. I am not too into the whole love thing, but I certainly love crushin..I shall go around running in place when I see cute guys. Yay!
Posted by Altruistic KeMari 47 on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 5:38 AM

That's pretty awesome. I'm a nerd, but I didn't read national geographic this month. Thanks for dropping that knowledge on me. And I apologize for using that phrase.
Posted by Petey on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 8:01 AM

Dopamine. So that's what it called huh? Let's just say I'm strung up on Dopamine right now.
Posted by Miss Eve on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 8:03 AM

It's all making sense now, isn't it?
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 8:06 AM

So the moral is. When you think you're in love, just remind yourself it's a mental illness and go the psychiatrist and get some Wellbutrin or Lithium to counteract that OCD. Oh, oops sorry. I forgot to tell you I'm a pragmatist and I don't believe in love. But, it doesn't mean I'm not a nice person. This is beautiful work though. Kisses, love. (but not really because I don't believe in love :)
Posted by LakerBunny on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 12:41 PM

*She reads this and laughs her ass off! This just goes to show you that love is not what you think it is. But I'm still in love with love, it must just be the Oxytocin kicking in! Damn, I love the philosophy of science~

Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 12:49 PM

This was the 1st I heard of anything like that, but I agree 100%
Posted by Ms. Kay-Kay on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 2:09 PM

Yea i heard that love thing is pretty much like a drug. Think it has the highest damn number of fiends to lol
Posted by *JoE sez: stop savin my pics to your harddrive ;P on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 2:51 PM

I like you on Dopamine
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on April 5, 2006 - Wednesday at 2:59 PM

no WONDER i act like such a dork regarding that special someone...
Posted by that's miz dork to you on April 6, 2006 - Thursday at 6:57 AM

That is fascinating stuff. I'm not surprised though- brain chemicals are amazing. I want a love drug- do you think they can bottle it?
Posted by Celina Mirabai on April 7, 2006 - Friday at 10:42 AM

Wow.
Posted by kiraannbaby© [janee] on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 12:00 PM

Isn't this cool?
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 12:08 PM

Really interesting blog. Thanks!
Posted by Christine, US Ambassador of Love on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 12:09 PM

Sure explains a lot, huh?
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 1:35 PM

my hubby and I are at that not-so-high point of our marriage (we got the kids to prove the begin bit too) but, we fall more in love and connect more completely everyday. I can't wait for the Oxy in like 10 years, bring it on!!!
Posted by kathryn on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 3:50 PM

hang in there sweetie!
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 4:12 PM

Great stuff, hope I get that ultimate Oxytocin some day. Teach me more, PLEASE!
Posted by ROBERT's laptop died Be Back Soon on July 13, 2006 - Thursday at 10:44 PM

Thanks for this info.... Wow, I need some Dopamine right about now.
Posted by LakerBunny on July 14, 2006 - Friday at 11:46 PM

you aren't the only nerd on myspace :)
Posted by the lindsay on July 17, 2006 - Monday at 10:37 AM

you might not say that if you knew my other favorite magazine is Scientific American!!!
Posted by nichole leigh :: photographer on July 17, 2006 - Monday at 2:51 PM

am i on crack or did you post this twice....?
Posted by jAh~"who";;3k (Df)(Docd) on August 12, 2006 - Saturday at 6:58 PM

duuh..it says repost..i didnt see that nm..haha
Posted by jAh~"who";;3k (Df)(Docd) on August 12, 2006 - Saturday at 6:59 PM