Ken had legs that snap off just like Barbie

I have not written here in years.  Nonetheless, today I am here.

I discovered something recently.

Love. I think I get it finally.  I realized it when I was complaining to my mom about something annoying about my boyfriend.  I knew of course the act of complaining was no different for many as an act of contrition, a cathartic process so to speak.  My beef was just a minor annoyance, not at all anything I can even recall.  Yet, it felt good to let out the vomit that was my irritation. Like the bile you need to rid yourself of.

Dear god almighty, I had no idea my mom was going to perceive this as “trouble brewing” and jump all over the: “he’s a great man, but you deserve better” thing.  I became instantly deaf and upset.  Sure he’s fallible, but aren’t we all?  I mean in all honestly, I’m certain he deserves better as well.  But does this mean we should dump out the baby with the bath water and seek perfection in yet another mate, or should we accept no one is flawless snd embrace the 99% you have?  Yep, I’m going with the latter.  I hope he does too.

True Joy And How The State Effs It Up

Spending all of my free time spread between frail elders and my youthful teen, I'm feeling slightly emotional.  A feeling I have rarely succumbed to over the past 15 or so years.  You probably know those moments as they always creep out in my writings right here in this limitless weird anonymous world you share with me.

Tonight I almost shed a tear.  "Run at midnight" opened up to me and shared his secret with me: his joy.  It made me feel restless in my wild heart.  I'm so excited that he has finally found what he was looking for.  It made me feel fortunate that I was part of his journey as a friend in watching him find it.  But I'm still sad.  Sad that he's only shared the joy with me; in that his joy is forbidden.  Sad that he hasn't told a soul but me.  I'm reverting to my irritation to the contract of marriage and that people only stay together for finances and the children.

Fuck this! First, the state has no right putting it's hands in love and the marriage contract ought not ever been tied to finances-even more so in modern day where wives are not property of husbands and due alimony to survive if left abandoned.

Second, a parent riddled with sadness of the loneliness of self-sacrificing for sake of staying with the children is nuts. This is no example for what you want for your child!  Let this man have his joy!  Let him play lacrosse with his boy and listen to his daughters silly giggling antics when she has sleepovers.  Just let him do it SEPARATELY from their mom and let. him. have. his. joy.

They is no reason why parents can't divide life equally while allowing one another to feel true joy when the unity that brought then together is no longer that.

The Jerk

I always liked Steve Martin.

But I think I take the cake.

Today:
1. I referred to someone I care about as "stock".... Buy low sell high, get out while you can.
2. Missed drinks with my friend from NYC to argue the deficeincies in scientific reasoning with my brother (we do this all the freakin' time, love him.. but we can do that any day)
3. Let little crap this evening ruin an absolutely stellar day
4. Missed my other brother's birthday party
5. Complained

I want to be a nicer person.

Vision Quest #11 :: Fill-er-up!

Loving people is draining. Yes, this is true. But so is an oil change. I look forward to getting filled back up.