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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The virtues of waiting to start a family

May 30, 2006 - Tuesday


The virtues of waiting to start a family
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Life

I was running with the pod on shuffle this morning and Marianne Faithfull came on with "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan". I got shivers running up the back of my legs and all the way to the base of my skull. I wish I could share this song with the young folks out there. Not because I wanted to depress anyone, but because for me, it speaks a strong message for waiting to start a family. Living your life to it's fullest and feeling as if you've made a good whack at your dreams and never settling is a beautifully peaceful thing. I cannot imagine how trapped Lucy feels. I believe that having love without happiness is worse than being alone. Finding love with fulfillment is the greatest gift you can give yourself. You will be surprised at how your happiness can be a gift to those around you as well. Love alone can come and go easily, we cannot help who we love, but finding love with compatibility, satisfaction and understanding is my personal Holy Grail. It's ok to want it all.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Loved

May 29, 2006 - Monday
Loved


Baby, I don't know why you love me like you do
So much baggage, nothing like you
Maybe you can see that I'm takin' off the load
Leavin' packages all along the road
I'm giving you all of me
Everything you need, you'll see

The usual at Easy Street
Two times a week is sweet
Love me out in your streets
Love me under your sheets
I'm giving you all of me
Everything you need, you'll see

Malkmus said you are so much like me
There's no other way I'd want you to be
Tell me your stories and I'm satisfied
Cover me from the storm, I need a place to hide
I'm giving you all of me
Everything you need, you'll see

8:27 PM - 12 Comments - 19 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, May 22, 2006

I had a home-made Pandora back in 1986

In 1986, I fell in love with a boy.

He was amazing. A gentleman, beautiful, strong, and oh so kind. To spare you a long familiar story, things just couldn't work for us. But I was so crazy about him and therefore just crushed when it broke down. Teenage girls lament in very odd ways. Mine, albeit all too familiar, was undoubtedly before it's time.

Even though they did not exist, I remember my very first mp3 editing experience nonetheless. I put my LP's on the floor in my room on shuffle mode and created a playlist. Not just a plain old mixed cd style song list, but a custom song made up of phrases. I wrote my sad lament in the words of Nazareth, Prince, Cyndi Lauper, Tom Petty, Van Halen, George Michael and Madonna. I held my hand-held tape deck up to the speakers of the record player and did a slamming editing job on cassette.

I miss those days of self expression. So much vigilance to nurse my hormone driven angst. Today, I sit and I blog. I isolate from my friends and I consider how it would feel to cry. So if I go in the shower and cry. I try but, I know I can't, please the thirst of my woes with a saline quench. It's funny though how numb to passion I've become. I cannot ever experience the deep unadulturated happiness and sorrow that walked in and out of my life with that boy in 1986. As I grow, I develop and fine tune myself. But I lost that purity as I became jaded and numb.

I have to start making art again. I don't like the sadness of indiference that comes with fitting into suburbia's norm.

9:32 PM - 15 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, May 8, 2006

Sexy songs playlist

"The Secret Garden" Quincy Jones Featuring Barry White, Al B. Sure!, El DeBarge, & James Ingram

"Feelin' Love" Paula Cole

"Ceux Qui N'Ont Rien" Patricia Kaas

"Maria Maria" Santana Featuring The Project G&B

"So Anxious" Ginuwine

"Les Yeux Ouvert" The Beautiful South

"Via Con Me" Paolo Conte

"Principles of Lust (Sadness)" Enigma

"Feels So Good" Chuck Mangione

"With or Without You" U2

"Justify My Love" Madonna

"I'm On Fire" Bruce Springsteen

"Vibrate" Outkast

"Pour Que Tu M'aime Encore" Celine Dion

"À Saint-Lunaire" Patricia Kaas

"La Mer" Kevin Kline

"Il Me Dit Que Je Suis Belle" Patricia Kaas

"Someone Like You" Van Morrison

"Reste Sur Moi" Patricia Kaas



Enjoy, and make some love: it's on the house!

Saturday, May 6, 2006

Political Philosophy: On the current immigration issues

Things that are effortless are the best things in life.

Last night, a wise Native American man plead to a group of people to welcome our brothers and sisters from Canada, Mexico, Panama, and the like as such, our brothers and sisters. he went on to explain that had it not been for events such as the yielding of California to the Union and Texas at the Alamo, the people we know as Navajo, Yuki, Mohave, Apache and many others would simply be Mexicans today. The borders are artificial borders and our people (the Natives) span two hemispheres.

His intention was not to make a political statement, yet his words were so strong in light of the current situation. I have been moved by the words lately of so many Native Americans being so pro-immigrant. Somehow it seems absurd to them that the descendants of immigrants (the white man) claim so much that this land cannot welcome it's native brothers and sisters from a mile or an inch past an artificial line.

If it is solely about being illegal or respecting the laws, I ask you to consider this: In the words of Red Wolf, "Everyone is ignoring that these people, because of their status try ferverently to obey the law and pay taxes. Their only crime is to not YET have legal residency. Aside from that they generally obey all of the laws for fear of being caught. I ask you then, to tell me that you, as a citizen, have never done something illegal? You'd be hard pressed to find me a person who has never cheated on his taxes. You are no different than the one without papers who pays his taxes."

One of the founding fathers of our modern political philosophy (aside from Hobbes and a sprinkle of others) was John Locke. Influencing our Constitution, Democratic structure, and essentially everything we know as law and politics in the United States, John Locke is rightfully one of the most respected political philosophers. Why then does our greed for land ignore one of the mainstays of his views on property? He said in his Two Treatises ~2.27, one must leave enough and as good for others (the sufficiency restriction) when staking claims on property. To embrace these ideals when it benefits us and ignore them when it comes time to benefit others is absurd and hypocritical. In a world where population overgrowth has made this simple concept unobtainable, how can we rectify this? Ought it not be to share the land with our own people?

A friend said to me last night that it is time that someone takes a stand against Nationalism in the same way that people such as MLK took a stand against Racism. I said to say that with passion and not act is the hinderance to change.

Friday, May 5, 2006

Weird things about me

I was asked to puplicly expose myself on the topic "6 Weird Habits of yourself"

1. I can't fall asleep without noise or a person next to me. I have a tendency to over-analyze and completely mind-fuck myself all night long, so it's tv, radio, or my lover singing me a song....

2. I get aroused by strange things like a person's show of intelligence, creative thinking, the way he breathes, and a few other things.

3. I don't really buy into the "return a favor" thing. I either do it out of the goodness of my heart and don't expect a thing, or I don't do it at all. I habitually refuse to collect on favors owed out of spite.

4. I love to watch real surgeries (hip replacements, angioplaty, catarax surgery) on TV.

5. I'm obsessive about running but I can't stand the gym.

6. I'm addicted to dental floss.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Understanding homelessness

Last weekend I went out with a friend who's been asking me to go out for some time now and I never wanted to go because I seem to always have something else going on. I'm so glad I finally went because we had such a nice time at this chic place in Belltown, The Queen City Grill. After a really chill evening of drinks, conversation and fabulous Ahi apps, I walked out with a glow I hadn't had in weeks.

But, just like a lot of things lately, my glow was quickly doused by a bucket of yuck. You see, I was doing a little people observing of a couple of girls at the next table over. One of them asked the other to cover the bill of $90 when it came because she "forgot her wallet" and only had a few singles on her. As we all happened to leave at the same time, we all walked past a homeless man selling the local homeless newspaper named "REAL CHANGE" (instead of panhandling, these guys get lisenced to buy the papers and sell them for $1 which I believe is a $.50 profit). I think it's a positive program and was pleased to see the girl who paid the bill ask her friend if she could have one of her singles. The second girl refused going off about how she is a single mom who works hard and doesn't get child support and it's a rack of BS that these freaks can't do it if she can and she won't support their laziness. As the other girl argued that this WAS this person's job and the pay was terrible, but being homeless makes you less than desireable when interviewing for jobs. The other one responded about how she can't afford to support them at this point in her life. But the woman can expect her friend to pick up a $90 FRIGGING TAB???

I've been sick about the way people view the homeless. I run everday at Green Lake and today I saw a woman on the bench with her bags turned to the side with tears in her eyes. He skin was leathered from the sun and she was holding an old picture. The lake was packed and no one even looked at her. I wanted to stop and talk to her. But what was I going to say? That I understand how she feels? That I can somehow brighten her day? Unlike the Greenlake stay-at-home moms with their $500 baby joggers and their half million dollar homes on East Greenlake Drive (don't ask me what they cost on the "good side" of the lake).

Who am I really but another single mom trying to make it in the world? I'm just like anyone else. I'm just one step away from being that lady on the bench crying over something she's lost.

I've cried a lot this past couple of weeks over losing a cat, losing money, and rejection. I want so much that I don't have, just like everyone else. But what I do have is compassion and empathy. I never can understand what brought every individual to the streets, but maybe tomorrow, I'll think of something to say. Maybe tomorrow, I'll stop and ask her about the picture she clutches. Maybe tomorrow.....

Love on Wall Street

How much should a person invest into "falling in love"? Should it be weeks, months or years? Once you are there, should you wait for the other person to catch up or bail before they decide to sit the race out? Say you are the type that needs a more aggressive investment. You want intensity, desire, friendship. You want the whole package. You need that passion to bond with a lover for life and the risk is worth the large payout. But you make a bad trade that has your hands tied. Your reckless day-trade of throwing love around made you wind up falling for someone who needs a slow, marinating investment in order to consider keeping it for the long term. Should you compromise your needs (that you know are the things that will keep this relationship lasting for you) and take the chance that it may be ok skipping the reciprocal passion to let your partner marinate? Or should he/she try to step it up to try to make his/her partner satisfied? My question today is strictly philosophical: If two people are generally comaptible, but not on the same page, can they ever get to retirement? Should we keep the portfolio we ended up with or should instinct forsee the as a red flag to failure? Fight or flight? Wait it out or leave before you've wasted years? I personally have no idea. I haven't yet gotten it right.

Monday, May 1, 2006

Brains Before Beauty

Ever make the mistake of Google~ing an ex?

Provided you ever dated anyone noteworthy enough to get put on the net, you can really see how life has been treating them. I'm not proud, but my kookoo friend twisted my arm enough to do it.

For instance, I just Googled the a guy I used to date that I worked with a decade ago. He was a prominant executive chef at a well known restaurant. What I found: He owns a swank place downtown these days (*to remain nameless). He was so frigging hot it was difficult to walk past this guy without having slight heart failure. As far as his personality, he was very selfish and conceited, not much good for anything with the lights on. And he had that kind of facial hair that scratched your face, so you could never kiss. He was a real jackass, but I was a slave to my hormones back then and it didn't matter. I couldn't take his void of personality for long and moved on. Google confirmed I made the right decision. He's likely still a jerk, but now he's also bald and chubby! Not that looks matter much as we age. And I admit I'm not exacly the hottie I used to be either. But damn, it puts things in perspective!

So the moral of the story is:

Beauty fades
Substance and Integrity don't.

If you find the latter, forgoe the former and HOLD on with all you got cuz, as my close friend said the other day, "She aint gettin any younger."

6 weird things about me

Strange, but true

1. I'm a sucka for Salami and Prosciutto
2. I have a little black dot in my iris of my left eye just below my pupil
3. I recycle boyfriends often (usually years later)
4. I secretly want to be a judge, not a lawyer... a judge
5. Kids and dogs are strangely drawn to me
6. I have an addiction to dental floss