Mean People Suck

Why is it that when certain people get hurt they lash out in a very negative, volatile way?

I've never understood this approach.  If your goal is to hang onto something you are losing and you are hurt that you are losing that thing, why would you try to beat that very thing down?  Wouldn't you work to reconnect and rebuild the love and tenderness that has slowly slipped from your grasp? 

My guess is that this person never loved in the first place, they viewed the other as a possession and have anger that their "property is being taken.  That this gives them the right to demean and defame the property like an abused dog to shame it into feeling small and weak as if it has no worth and coming back to the property owner is it's only solace.

Consider the following:

If two people are meant to be together it is through thick and thin.  They will remain friends in the hard times, they may fight but they will never degrade or push the other away.  Remaining friends doesn't mean they become solely friends.  Passion must exist in their interactions with one another until the end of breaths.

Never in this equation should we ever sacrifice our needs; whether it be passion or respect.

Mean people suck

Fire

Fire

I’d rather not be here tonight
I knew from the start this was just a flame
I had my fun dancing around it –pretty little sparks
Playing with fire with simple urgency
Now I’m trying to finish what I started
Suffocating the longing with an old familiar blanket
Something is dying and you can see it in my eyes

You had to know this ignite doesn’t have long-term potential
I look into the future and I don’t see you in it
When I’m on that island you won’t save me
And I know that
Pretty soon the phone is just gonna ring
I will mean to call you back
But you‘ll know before I do that I won’t

Chorus:

Don’t feel bad baby love
I’ll always remember you calling me cupcake
If I see the scars from the lit-tle burns
Back when we were oh-so alive
And on fire

slow ride

I miss how you gave me so much love.
I miss how you gave me the feeling of Ernie & Bert.
I miss how you kept me safe and encouraged me to fall.
But baby the reason I'm missing you is because you set limits to all those things.
A bittersweet whirlwind of passion, you taught me how to be so free
Maybe that's why it hurt so bad when you pulled that rug from under me.

If it takes a hundred years
He's gonna take me there
Walls aren't so bad mister.
You shoulda told me while asking me to break them down
That I had prescient knowledge of reality.
I wanna take it slow, on my time,
It's a beautiful ride...

Hurricane

The wind is whipping past my face carrying painful lashings from strands of hair that have become weapons in this icy late Spring  storm. It's telling me I have no business being in love. No business feeling angst. No business feeling loss. No business longing. Leave. Leave little silly child. Travel on... You're hanging on too long... It's time to say goodbye. Time to hurt and be hurt. But most of all, it's time to say goodbye....

What is love?

Baby don't hurt me.
I've come to see as of late there are infinite levels of love.


I am grappling with several levels of this word. This feeling. This feast. This fast. This battle. This gift. The epitome of pleasure. The overdose of fear obsession & pain.


Friends and loves

Uninvited and you oughtta know

Geez like a zillion years ago when I was young, I dated a man 9 years my senior. We went round and round for almost as long until the dance was just tired and blistered from repeated steps. We sat one sunny La Cieniga evening on the steps of his ultra white sofa flanked home where mail came FedEx and I had to be svelt and never sit on the sofa.

I was so in love with him
And he wanted so desperately to be in love with me.
but we weren't
at least not then
I could tell so many stories of passion....
desire....
intensity....

But one moment in the car
the radio played her.
Her angst tore us apart.
I was wise enough to know and he was young enough to feel that she was right.

Tick tock it was a matter of time.


He killed that girl. JDR made me. Made me then broke me.

 NPL.

Alanis the bitch followed it up. She just couldn't leave me alone... She screwewd me once and decided she'd write my fate again: over and over and over again....



Jaded bitch that I am... You.... I crave

Stop fucking with me please.

I am older than you but he broke me when I was a babe... just let me have this moment...

bad news 4/29/07

didn't you know I was waitin on you?
waitin on a dream that would never come true
didn't you know I was waitin on you?
my face turned to stone when I heard the news
when you decide to break the rules?
cuz I just heard some real bad news
people are talkn like it's old news
I played it off and acted like I already knew
let me ask you how long have you known dude?
you played it off and act like he's brand new
when you decide to break the rules?
cuz I just heard some real bad news
real bad news...real bad news, real bad news
oh you jus gon keep another no you won't
oh you just gon keep it like you never knew
while I'm waitin on a dream that'll never come true
oh you just gon keep another love for you
my face turned to stone when I heard the news

I just heard some real bad news
-Kanye West

So one of my favorite blogs is gone. GONE! Disappeared into the abyss of 404 notifications. "Where Bourgeois Meets Ghetto" is no more.

I let go of my best (and oh so reminiscent of Nicole Ritchie) bff. *all in jest peeps, I'd never REALLY use kiddie text lingo. But in all seriousness, alcoholism is a demon that will eat the best of friendships alive. I'm happy, yet sad. I still have to hear about her escapades of 5-0 chasing her five deep for eluding and drunken idiocracy and hauling off her new man 10+ years her junior in her place to the klink. Somehow this made him her hero, go figure. I worry about the kids.

I came to terms with a friend I care for leaving our country to go back home *to the good life....
all the while cursing America for forgetting this past decade we WERE the promised land. I wonder what my ancestors would think, both native and immigrant.

Here I am now. Partly sad, partly relieved, 100% lonely.

Kinda scary thinking of not having that true friend, companion, partner by my side. You all call it a best friend. But I call it a true gift. I'm officially on the market for a best girlfriend and a boyfriend.

Girls: please no drama queens, have your own life, educated a plus, savvy and hip a must! Are there any of you left out there?

Guys: I don't want contracts and invasions of space. I don't want something that can be argued in a
propsition called #8. I just want someone who likes having me around from time to time and takes
me for what I'm worth. But gaaaawd! All the good ones are taken (at least I mean the ones that want to be involved). You guys know who you are, your either gay or content in your bachelor-ness. It's cool, I'm not hatin'. I never thought I'd actually settle down myself!

That was my mistake. He has already passed me by. She's already got her circle of friends and jumping in now is like infiltrating a high school clique. Doors closed, gone, 404'd or taken.

So I guess today I give my concession speech. But hey, I've saved my resume if any of you guys have a referral.

4/25/07

April 25, 2007 - Wednesday
The piece that doesn't match my collection

I looked in your eyes last night
My heart busted wide open
contents spilled on the floor
asking you to forgive my faults, my mistakes

You stared through me, beyond me
with icicles in your eyes
and said you could not forgive
It is not in your nature

At that moment I realized
that you were right
We just don't see eye to eye
I've been looking at a painting
Seeing what I wanted to see
Forgetting that the artist
made his own vision
No matter how hard I impressed
my own collective experience
on the visual in front of me
My interpretation would never be more
than just merely mine

I can no longer cling
to to broken pieces
that continue to cut
me deep inside


11:45 AM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Some people...

FNA. So your friend meets this guy, likes him enough. Goes out a few times and he's all pushy pursuing her. Then nothin' for a couple weeks. She writes it off because she's got options and lo & behold an email arrives out of the blue:

"I'm sorry, I just got back w/my ex and we had changed our #'s..... Dunno
how you feel about being side fun if you know what I mean..."

Is this for real?

It's not that I want to be put into the position of analyzing this, but it makes me think....

My question:
1. (back with ex)+(gotta change numbers)x(side gig)=
a) recipe for crazy baby mama psycho to come key your car
b) your booty-knockin' was the bomb and he doesn't want to let you go
c) your booty-knockin' was the bomb, but you 'aint girlfriend material
d) game-tight
e) call all your friends and bore them with your whining about how men suck
f) all of the above

Here's what I would say, "no thanks, I'm good"

Outta Sight, Outta Mind. **women are not like men

I just had a conversation with someone the other day about MEN. I asked my friend the best way to get a guy off your back that you are not interested in. He suggested a couple of routes, one that made sense; "be honest", as well as one that particularly struck a cord. I'll tell you why:

Honesty was universal and kind, but his other suggestion was a bit gamey. Games aside, the worst part was that it went completely against every grain of my being. The suggestion to start contacting the guy a lot and be 'too' interested. That was a surefire turn-off for a guy. Apparantly men like him prefer women who are absent.

Well for me, and every woman I've encountered, when a woman gets distant like that: it's pretty much TOO LATE. We are attentive to the things we like. Guys say they love the chase so they figure we like the same. Not quite babe. If we stop putting energy into you, good luck buddy it means that attention is getting focused somewhere else.

On the flip side, female humans are not unlike those of other species where the one that gives us attention is the one who gets the prize. You ever see the peacock off around the corner chillin' get the peahen? Nooooo, she picks the one buying for her attention the most. Not to say we want a stalker or anything that extreme, we just want a guy who wants to be by our side, otherwise: Out of sight, Out of mind!

As for me, absence makes the heart grow fonder ONLY once the heart is involved. Otherwise, keep it pushin'

Here: Deep Poetic

Not a glutton so I know when I don't need anymore
None of that.
I'm good, I got it all inside.
Creativity is the fire
Dose on that all night
With a fever of ninety-nine degrees on my wall
And oiled brushes staining canvas like lovers' sheets
Method is my style
Control cock blocks my flow
And I'm intent on getting what's mine

Hanging on is a means to an end
Activates self-destruction
Go-on. Turn a blind eye
Only thing I'm gonna leave is:
'Wondering why'
I know it hurts them
To see me in this state
Where chaos and order make love day and night
In Exodus they all excuse themselves
Cutting losses
Taking comfort in hindsight

There's paradox in tragedy
They bathe in blood sweat and tears cuz I'm
Succeeding in pushing every last one outta my life.
Take the left AND the right just leave without a fight.
Some of em try and stay.
Weathering sub-tropic storms
That surround my life
Rewarded pain as a prize when they come along for the ride
I paint Gilligan's Island for 'em
Start dolling out refunds in no time

Hanging on is a means to an end
Activates self-destruction
Go-on. Turn a blind eye
Only thing I leave you is
Wondering why
I know it hurts
To see me in this state
Where chaos and order make love day and night
So follow as
They all excuse themselves
Cutting losses
Taking comfort in hindsight

But you.
You are still here.
Long after the linseed and oil have dried
And I used all the ashes to texturize
Beauty from the fury that destroyed
Without subsitance to keep itself alive.
Here. Reading braille when I'm blind.
You let me struggle, fail and compliment my life
Making love in copulas that bind
Got me wanting to stick around
Maybe, this time

I never loved her

September 5, 2006 - Tuesday
"POETRY, I THINK...."


the mathematics never did add up...
one plus three, it's just not me said he

what did she expect? my loving would make it all ok?
she must have been crazy to think that they were worthy
I'm far too good to bend to that breeze

I tried to conceal it and make her see
through my love that I was all she would need.
I didn't tell her the solution for me was: it's not meant to be

I want her, but not her family, can I avoid them?
I want her, but not her friends, if I detest them enough will she let them go?
I want her, but not her dog I'm glad he's gone

Today I can see, that I really don't want her at all
"Let's have this conversation tomorrow"
Cuz tomorrow never comes....

She just goes away
and it's okay,
because I never loved her anyway....


7:14 AM - 9 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

i know a girl (Poetry)

I know a girl who slips on her heart
She better stop doing it or else she'll get hurt.
She's cool, she cares, she'll make you al-right
It's all about you when she's in your world.
People walk by her and say ooh, baby, that's what I love a-bout you.
But I'm watching her spirit die cuz no one says I love you.

I wonder if she's like the lillies in my yard.
Every year I cut them to the core.
The next year they come back for more.
How many seasons of frost can she take?
Can she die a million times and avoid the rake?
I want to tell her I love her. But I don't. I only love how she makes me feel.

© Nichole Leigh

Leaving a lover

Leaving a lover

You said you finally believe me now.
We were once connected as one
Making myself better bleeds you out.
How can I be hurting you this way?
Issuing pain in daily doses like Methadone.
Am I worth your price?
If I sustain you, please keep a part of me.
I don't want to be paid in full.
I've left you, but not because I didn't love you.
Take that with your guitar
And play me always in your heart.
I cannot be yours, but what I gave is yours to keep.