The Sims: frighteningly close to real life

April 25, 2006 - Tuesday


All I wanted to do was kiss her!

So my friend's 6 yr old daughter was playing Sims and she decided to create herself a girlfriend.
She decided to kiss the girl. Not paying too much attention to her, no one knew what was happening but you could hear all this clicking. All of a sudden there's this sound of wedding bells. The little girl suddenly blurts out "OH Darn, we're married? But all I wanted to do was kiss her!"

Who says Sims isn't realistic~ Isn't that the way it usually goes down?

10:43 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Inside my thoughts

I've gone over this and under
Danced gracefully around my blunder
Popping pills called passion
While you dole out love in ration
It's effective, selective
Momentarily objective
I gave my notice to your heart
You said don't kill it before we start
So I take your hand
And walk sleepily in the sand
As you calm my fire
and build a hearth for my desire

Nichole P Leigh

Black/White girl

April 18, 2006 - Tuesday


Black White Girl
Current mood: ponderous

Today I was told that my friend was almost certain thet I was part Negro. I could go on to explain the reasons why, but they have no relevance in this blog. It was very endearing coming from her. She's an amazing, classy Jewish/African American woman and I respect and love her deeply. I told her that I didn't think (or wasn't aware of) having any negro blood, although I wouldn't mind if I did.

She went on to tell me about her philosophy that when something is in your blood, even just in the tiniest bit, one is somehow more connected to the culture. You don't have to know it or have been raised with it.

Case in point: Someone recently was told that she is 1/8th Native American. Her tribe is the Lenape (Delaware, as named by the white man). She said what was interesting was that those people (her people?) were simplisticly creative wearing a simple beaded headband with a feather or two hanging down. They prefered simple and elegant beadwork over more ornate fashions. This leads to the interesting part... her mother (1/4 blood) has had this amazingly intimate love for beadwork. It has been her art of choice since as far back as she can remember and she created lovely beaded fashions long before they were cool. She was so connected to this before we ever knew the truth about who her grandmother was.

A dear friend of mine who is Native American (Lummi tribe) was expaining to me that he was not surprised. In his culture, anscestors live on in spirit through you. Even if you are unaware of who your anscestors are.

I find it interesting to think of all the peoples and cultures centuries back that incorporate my bloodline. Especially since I don't even know what it all is. I wonder about the time before we ever adapted to our climates and became Asian, European, African, and what not, when we were all just one people in the beginning. We are clearly coming to a point in our "melting pot" that we are becoming one race again. Will we then migrate and adapt centuries from now and our current cultures will become once again the forgotten people of the past?

I decided to tackle the National Archives and see what I could find.

If my behavior and being is dictated somehow through unknown channels of DNA or "spirit" to my ancestors, then it seems more important than ever to find out who these people are. It's a very daunting task, but I'm saddened to think of those who weren't considered worth records like the descendants of slavery. Saddened once again at the aftermath in that they may never know their true roots.

My question for everyone today is this (and please, please answer as best you can in your comments):

Do you know who you are?

7:55 PM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Animal instincts

April 17, 2006 - Monday


Animal Instincts
Current mood: mournful
Category: mournful Pets and Animals
I'm alergic to cats, but somehow I wound up with a couple. Begrudgingly, I even ended up really attached. My orange tomcat was hilarious. For that much entertainment, the allergies were easily a bargain.

When Kingston cat was dying, we found my little dog and other kitty curled up next to him. Marco was barking at him and snuggling him to try to get him to snap out of it.

The usual m/o of 'hide all day' Bamboo was thrown aside. Now she sits at the window all day or by the door for Kingston to come home and he doesn't. Her watch is determined and steady without even the usual wince as strangers pass by.

Both of them seem so needy these days and their appetites have gone. I wonder if they understand.

I got a sympathy card in the mail today from the vet and I burst into tears.

Geez, it's just a cat. Animals die, people die. So why is this so hard? Was it because his death was so incredibly violent and traumatic? I don't know why I'm so affected. We are innundated with Dr. Phil's and Life coaches. Numbed by the nightly news and CSI. My educated superior brain is supposed to know how to keep our hearts safe from ache, right? I guess I'm just primitive like Marco and Boo. Instinct is to mourn, so I'm just going to lay down and cry.

'tis better to give than receive

I'm alive
I'm open wide.

Last night I gave sensuality
You bled love over top of me

I'm a giver, it's hard for me to receive
I need to get to that place
Where I'm wrapped around you finger
Could you please love me less?

i know a girl (Poetry)

I know a girl who slips on her heart
She better stop doing it or else she'll get hurt.
She's cool, she cares, she'll make you al-right
It's all about you when she's in your world.
People walk by her and say ooh, baby, that's what I love a-bout you.
But I'm watching her spirit die cuz no one says I love you.

I wonder if she's like the lillies in my yard.
Every year I cut them to the core.
The next year they come back for more.
How many seasons of frost can she take?
Can she die a million times and avoid the rake?
I want to tell her I love her. But I don't. I only love how she makes me feel.

© Nichole Leigh

Undeliverable (Poetry)

Undeliverable

I'm longing for your love.
I'm longing for you to hold me.
Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat.
It's not you on the other side.

You wrapped us up in a neat package.
And mailed us off to an unknown address.

Please, my love
Tell me what was missing.
Tell me where I went wrong.
Tell me what keeps you longing for something else.

I had so much more to give to you
But it all lays waste in a pile marked "undeliverable"

© Nichole Leigh

Are emotions like dandelions? Left unattended they multiply

So I had an interesting conversation today with a friend of mine. We deciided to make today THE day to go grocery shopping. It was some SERIOUS shopping, first to Trader Joes for all the organic and swank stuff, not to mention the cheap wine. Then it was off to Safeway for the staples. Finally it was Uwajimaya to get green tea ice cream, sashimi, and oysters.

So this girl, I love her but she's in a hard space right now. She's feeling a lot of emotions right now and she's kinda pissed that she even has to be dealing with the stuff that she is.

I started thinking about my last blog and I tried to deliver the virtues of emoting. But she was just pissed. It dawned on me that the difference between me, being ok with my emotions and those that don't want to feel is that I'm not carrying a secondary emotion. *I have no idea if this is a real concept, but I'm gonna take credit for it at least until someone sets me straight. As far as I know it came to me a priori.

It's a realtively simple concept. You have emotions that make you uncomfortable and a secondary emotion develops either in response or defense. One that is sad or depressed becomes angry. One that is lonely becomes depressed and so forth. This extra emotion complicates and prolongs the situation whereas just being in the moment/feeling the first emotion helps you move on and grow. If you deal with it, the other one can't develop. So the question is, and possibly the answer: Why not stop doing that?

Psycho Killer ~Qu'est que c'est?

I think I should add a DISCLAIMER to this so that I don't get myself into trouble:
* this blog is NOT based on actual events or persons other than myself, noone was harmed in it's writing and if you feel it is directed to you personally rest assured that I did not have anyone in mind when writing it. But please feel free to do some self-examinating if it strikes a chord. With that said, read on my friends!

People that think they don't feel emotions are WRONG! It surprises me these days how many people say they don't get mad, aren't mad, don't get sad, never get REALLY excited, don't really seem to feel anything ~no ups, no downs. It's not possible, unless you are a serial killer. The actual definition for someone who does not feel is a sociopath.....hmmm, I don't think I want to be THAT!

I'm not saying you have to be a manic depressive, but get real. Most of these people share their anger in a passive agressive manner or run from the highs in life and hide behind a veil of stability. Unfortunately, these are the same people that end up unhealthy, unhappy, unstable or alone. The sad part is that they never experienced life any other way and probably don't have a clue how wonderful it is with emotions.

I'm so glad that I'm a fireball who experiences and savors every moment and emotion I feel GOOD or BAD! I'm probably the most balanced person I know and I'm happy because I let myself get hurt so I know what feeling good really feels like when it comes. Or at least I know I'm real and alive.

Leaving a lover

Leaving a lover

You said you finally believe me now.
We were once connected as one
Making myself better bleeds you out.
How can I be hurting you this way?
Issuing pain in daily doses like Methadone.
Am I worth your price?
If I sustain you, please keep a part of me.
I don't want to be paid in full.
I've left you, but not because I didn't love you.
Take that with your guitar
And play me always in your heart.
I cannot be yours, but what I gave is yours to keep.