A softer side of me

As a philosopher, I've become quite intimate with skepticism. For the most part, I've taken a real hard-line approach on all matters including those of the heart. I have been passionately anti-marriage, anti-devotion, and cynical.

My education has become my emotional guide, but I have realized recently that experience has been the most powerful force above any intellectual matter. For so long, my own personal experinces had been so counter-productive to realistic relationship understandings. I've been watching a close friend through a rough break-up and entering the dating scene after 15 years. Since I've seen her marriage fall apart and this woman who was so devoted and "family" oriented become so cynical, it reminds me of who I used to be. I can't understand why seeing cynicism is causing my (what I thought was deep rooted) opinions and attitudes to change. She tells me that being cynical comes from her surroundings. It dawns on me that my own skepticism comes from watching the deepest betrayal of how I was raised unfold into my own life and relationships.

There have been a couple of serious traumatic things happen to people I am very close to in the past week and I wanted to vocalize that as of today, I have a new appreciation for life and relating with those I love. I don't want what I wanted. I don't need what I needed. I don't think I will ever say "never" again. The things I swore were for the ridiculously innocent are just things I don't understand because I've never had them. It's all new and wonderful and it's called life. For my family, friends, and those who love me; I'm ready to ride the roller coaster now, bring it on!