Brains Before Beauty

Ever make the mistake of Google~ing an ex?

Provided you ever dated anyone noteworthy enough to get put on the net, you can really see how life has been treating them. I'm not proud, but my kookoo friend twisted my arm enough to do it.

For instance, I just Googled the a guy I used to date that I worked with a decade ago. He was a prominant executive chef at a well known restaurant. What I found: He owns a swank place downtown these days (*to remain nameless). He was so frigging hot it was difficult to walk past this guy without having slight heart failure. As far as his personality, he was very selfish and conceited, not much good for anything with the lights on. And he had that kind of facial hair that scratched your face, so you could never kiss. He was a real jackass, but I was a slave to my hormones back then and it didn't matter. I couldn't take his void of personality for long and moved on. Google confirmed I made the right decision. He's likely still a jerk, but now he's also bald and chubby! Not that looks matter much as we age. And I admit I'm not exacly the hottie I used to be either. But damn, it puts things in perspective!

So the moral of the story is:

Beauty fades
Substance and Integrity don't.

If you find the latter, forgoe the former and HOLD on with all you got cuz, as my close friend said the other day, "She aint gettin any younger."

6 weird things about me

Strange, but true

1. I'm a sucka for Salami and Prosciutto
2. I have a little black dot in my iris of my left eye just below my pupil
3. I recycle boyfriends often (usually years later)
4. I secretly want to be a judge, not a lawyer... a judge
5. Kids and dogs are strangely drawn to me
6. I have an addiction to dental floss

The Sims: frighteningly close to real life

April 25, 2006 - Tuesday


All I wanted to do was kiss her!

So my friend's 6 yr old daughter was playing Sims and she decided to create herself a girlfriend.
She decided to kiss the girl. Not paying too much attention to her, no one knew what was happening but you could hear all this clicking. All of a sudden there's this sound of wedding bells. The little girl suddenly blurts out "OH Darn, we're married? But all I wanted to do was kiss her!"

Who says Sims isn't realistic~ Isn't that the way it usually goes down?

10:43 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Inside my thoughts

I've gone over this and under
Danced gracefully around my blunder
Popping pills called passion
While you dole out love in ration
It's effective, selective
Momentarily objective
I gave my notice to your heart
You said don't kill it before we start
So I take your hand
And walk sleepily in the sand
As you calm my fire
and build a hearth for my desire

Nichole P Leigh

Black/White girl

April 18, 2006 - Tuesday


Black White Girl
Current mood: ponderous

Today I was told that my friend was almost certain thet I was part Negro. I could go on to explain the reasons why, but they have no relevance in this blog. It was very endearing coming from her. She's an amazing, classy Jewish/African American woman and I respect and love her deeply. I told her that I didn't think (or wasn't aware of) having any negro blood, although I wouldn't mind if I did.

She went on to tell me about her philosophy that when something is in your blood, even just in the tiniest bit, one is somehow more connected to the culture. You don't have to know it or have been raised with it.

Case in point: Someone recently was told that she is 1/8th Native American. Her tribe is the Lenape (Delaware, as named by the white man). She said what was interesting was that those people (her people?) were simplisticly creative wearing a simple beaded headband with a feather or two hanging down. They prefered simple and elegant beadwork over more ornate fashions. This leads to the interesting part... her mother (1/4 blood) has had this amazingly intimate love for beadwork. It has been her art of choice since as far back as she can remember and she created lovely beaded fashions long before they were cool. She was so connected to this before we ever knew the truth about who her grandmother was.

A dear friend of mine who is Native American (Lummi tribe) was expaining to me that he was not surprised. In his culture, anscestors live on in spirit through you. Even if you are unaware of who your anscestors are.

I find it interesting to think of all the peoples and cultures centuries back that incorporate my bloodline. Especially since I don't even know what it all is. I wonder about the time before we ever adapted to our climates and became Asian, European, African, and what not, when we were all just one people in the beginning. We are clearly coming to a point in our "melting pot" that we are becoming one race again. Will we then migrate and adapt centuries from now and our current cultures will become once again the forgotten people of the past?

I decided to tackle the National Archives and see what I could find.

If my behavior and being is dictated somehow through unknown channels of DNA or "spirit" to my ancestors, then it seems more important than ever to find out who these people are. It's a very daunting task, but I'm saddened to think of those who weren't considered worth records like the descendants of slavery. Saddened once again at the aftermath in that they may never know their true roots.

My question for everyone today is this (and please, please answer as best you can in your comments):

Do you know who you are?

7:55 PM - 12 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Animal instincts

April 17, 2006 - Monday


Animal Instincts
Current mood: mournful
Category: mournful Pets and Animals
I'm alergic to cats, but somehow I wound up with a couple. Begrudgingly, I even ended up really attached. My orange tomcat was hilarious. For that much entertainment, the allergies were easily a bargain.

When Kingston cat was dying, we found my little dog and other kitty curled up next to him. Marco was barking at him and snuggling him to try to get him to snap out of it.

The usual m/o of 'hide all day' Bamboo was thrown aside. Now she sits at the window all day or by the door for Kingston to come home and he doesn't. Her watch is determined and steady without even the usual wince as strangers pass by.

Both of them seem so needy these days and their appetites have gone. I wonder if they understand.

I got a sympathy card in the mail today from the vet and I burst into tears.

Geez, it's just a cat. Animals die, people die. So why is this so hard? Was it because his death was so incredibly violent and traumatic? I don't know why I'm so affected. We are innundated with Dr. Phil's and Life coaches. Numbed by the nightly news and CSI. My educated superior brain is supposed to know how to keep our hearts safe from ache, right? I guess I'm just primitive like Marco and Boo. Instinct is to mourn, so I'm just going to lay down and cry.

'tis better to give than receive

I'm alive
I'm open wide.

Last night I gave sensuality
You bled love over top of me

I'm a giver, it's hard for me to receive
I need to get to that place
Where I'm wrapped around you finger
Could you please love me less?

i know a girl (Poetry)

I know a girl who slips on her heart
She better stop doing it or else she'll get hurt.
She's cool, she cares, she'll make you al-right
It's all about you when she's in your world.
People walk by her and say ooh, baby, that's what I love a-bout you.
But I'm watching her spirit die cuz no one says I love you.

I wonder if she's like the lillies in my yard.
Every year I cut them to the core.
The next year they come back for more.
How many seasons of frost can she take?
Can she die a million times and avoid the rake?
I want to tell her I love her. But I don't. I only love how she makes me feel.

© Nichole Leigh

Undeliverable (Poetry)

Undeliverable

I'm longing for your love.
I'm longing for you to hold me.
Every time my phone rings, my heart skips a beat.
It's not you on the other side.

You wrapped us up in a neat package.
And mailed us off to an unknown address.

Please, my love
Tell me what was missing.
Tell me where I went wrong.
Tell me what keeps you longing for something else.

I had so much more to give to you
But it all lays waste in a pile marked "undeliverable"

© Nichole Leigh

Are emotions like dandelions? Left unattended they multiply

So I had an interesting conversation today with a friend of mine. We deciided to make today THE day to go grocery shopping. It was some SERIOUS shopping, first to Trader Joes for all the organic and swank stuff, not to mention the cheap wine. Then it was off to Safeway for the staples. Finally it was Uwajimaya to get green tea ice cream, sashimi, and oysters.

So this girl, I love her but she's in a hard space right now. She's feeling a lot of emotions right now and she's kinda pissed that she even has to be dealing with the stuff that she is.

I started thinking about my last blog and I tried to deliver the virtues of emoting. But she was just pissed. It dawned on me that the difference between me, being ok with my emotions and those that don't want to feel is that I'm not carrying a secondary emotion. *I have no idea if this is a real concept, but I'm gonna take credit for it at least until someone sets me straight. As far as I know it came to me a priori.

It's a realtively simple concept. You have emotions that make you uncomfortable and a secondary emotion develops either in response or defense. One that is sad or depressed becomes angry. One that is lonely becomes depressed and so forth. This extra emotion complicates and prolongs the situation whereas just being in the moment/feeling the first emotion helps you move on and grow. If you deal with it, the other one can't develop. So the question is, and possibly the answer: Why not stop doing that?