What friends will tell you that family can't

like...WHOA!
An interesting convo with my best friend this evening....
Funny how friends can be the island we need to stand on from time to time when our arms are sore from the dog paddle keeing afloat. More than family at times. Only because family hurts for you too much and sometimes cannot get past the expectations...
I have decided not to apologize for my choices.
My best friend understands.
She tells me what I want when I'm too scared to admit it to myself. Why have I talked about you for months. I want but can't have. You have been on my mind for more than a year. He's always been there, my whole life...he's never the same person but it's always the same story, too young, too old, too far away, too taken. Why am I such a dreamer? Why not want what's right in front of me? "But baby, you do want him, he's here and you want him. You need to just stop being so cool with youself and try to be cool with another." But won't that be a disaster? I'm certain it couldn't be that simple.. Just learn to work as a team, you can't always be the professor.
But who the hell knows? Not me. I'm letting some of my protective force fields down little by little. At the moment, I'm not ready to bungee jump or swim in the dark water yet. I'm just riding the kiddie roller coaster and that's good enough for me, for now.