Moving On...(Part I)

I've been going through some old journals and I found this unfinished piece I wrote back in 2000. It seemed quite appropriate at the moment. Let me know whatcha think.....

They said it would be stormy today so I suppose that explains my mood. It's almost as though my body is muggy on the inside. It's the kind of day that had me wanting to stand out in the middle of the street with the rain pouring down all around me. As if I needed to be cleansed or something. I'm not sure why this happens, but typically when I have an epiphany I feel dirty. I guess it's not a bad thing. Probably just like the sweat you get from a good workout. My dumb luck, it didn't rain. It was just plain hot. Balmy and hot. Any other day, I'd curse the rain. But it's just another damn Indian summer day. Likely it'll be another week of this. I took a shower instead but I just couldn't seem to feel clean.

Slipped into bed with freshly laundered sheets. Everything seems to be unsullied, but my mind was not pure. As long as he lives there in my thoughts there is a certain stain that remains adulterated. How can it be that intimate moments right here in this bed I relished like grandma's sweet rhubarb pie now felt like errors in the recipe? Is it forever my style to fall so brutally out of love the same way I fell so soflty into it? My passion that pulls us together now deflects access to my heart.

Ah, love is simply blind. At some point I suppose I'll regain my focus and realize I just needed a new prescription for those trusty rose colored spectacles.