Lonely in here

Dang I can only blame myself.... I never post anymore. My only follower left me. I can't say that I blame 'em, it's preeetty dry in here. And clearly I am now talking to myself. ouch.

All done sorting now it's time to edit.

There's one thing I need to do more as well as less.

EDITING.

There's nothing I hate worse than:

Being misunderstood. Is it so much to ask that a person have a conversation with an open mind? I realize I'm not the greatest at expressing feelings and abstract thoughts, but a little interest wouldn't hurt. Instead I got summations from my conversation partner that were quite incorrect, yet the other person was dead certain to have had it all figured out.

I met a person a while back who taught me about process flows. He drew a simple diagram and my artsy brain was off and running. I remember that lesson clearly and I made my own PF about the aforementioned dynamic.

Now hold on, red flag: why care, why bother when the other party is an ass? We bother, we care because we must to coexist. Such is life and one cannot walk away from life in order to avoid conflict. A lonely and misunderstood world would result. So here goes the struggle:

Why are you so anti-judge when throughout the entire conversation you judged my words, often in mid sentence.

If I am unclear with what you said or you tell me I misunderstood, I make the effort to hear you out.

This does not make me high maintenance in most people's book, but if it does, you are welcome to find another more palatable person to occupy space in your life.

All I wish I could have gotten from this person was a little kindness. The refusal to answer the initial question quickly died as the center of the issue and was replaced by facing a formidable offensive line-up.

All in all, I just want to be treated nicely. If you don't want to answer a question I have, that's your right.

1. curiousity
2. goal: need for understanding
3. act on 1, ask questions
4. replay how 1. is coarsely understood by repeating
5. seek other parties to clarify if 4. is incorrect and redirect.
6. listen and adjust to accurately attain goal
7. repeat 3-6 in a healthy communicative manner until goal is reached.

so not pf, but I frankenstined it to my benefit and it seems reasonable.
gimme your thoughts on respectful/non confrontational understanding others.

News

1. Looks like I got a new job. Counting my freelance work, that makes for 3 jobs. It's good to be busy. 2. I just bought a car for my son. 3. My foot still hurts when I don't wear my aircast.

I heard this today

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?

Finalé... Pearl Jam "Black"

Uninvited and you oughtta know

Geez like a zillion years ago when I was young, I dated a man 9 years my senior. We went round and round for almost as long until the dance was just tired and blistered from repeated steps. We sat one sunny La Cieniga evening on the steps of his ultra white sofa flanked home where mail came FedEx and I had to be svelt and never sit on the sofa.

I was so in love with him
And he wanted so desperately to be in love with me.
but we weren't
at least not then
I could tell so many stories of passion....
desire....
intensity....

But one moment in the car
the radio played her.
Her angst tore us apart.
I was wise enough to know and he was young enough to feel that she was right.

Tick tock it was a matter of time.


He killed that girl. JDR made me. Made me then broke me.

 NPL.

Alanis the bitch followed it up. She just couldn't leave me alone... She screwewd me once and decided she'd write my fate again: over and over and over again....



Jaded bitch that I am... You.... I crave

Stop fucking with me please.

I am older than you but he broke me when I was a babe... just let me have this moment...

Vision Quest #12: White Flags

learning how to function while you are weak teaches you a couple of things.

1. It's a waste of time to chase after cars that will never stop
2. Settling is never a good idea, but accepting reality can be
3. Ever the determinist, I believe there is no true free will, so believe every moment has a purpose

bad news 4/29/07

didn't you know I was waitin on you?
waitin on a dream that would never come true
didn't you know I was waitin on you?
my face turned to stone when I heard the news
when you decide to break the rules?
cuz I just heard some real bad news
people are talkn like it's old news
I played it off and acted like I already knew
let me ask you how long have you known dude?
you played it off and act like he's brand new
when you decide to break the rules?
cuz I just heard some real bad news
real bad news...real bad news, real bad news
oh you jus gon keep another no you won't
oh you just gon keep it like you never knew
while I'm waitin on a dream that'll never come true
oh you just gon keep another love for you
my face turned to stone when I heard the news

I just heard some real bad news
-Kanye West

Art for the sake of art

Ira's show is amazing. I'm so proud of her. Really, how often do you think video installations bring top dollar from collecters? I can pretty much bet the house not so much. I know she's amazing and I know she creates solely for the love of her work.

http://punchgallery.org/exhibitions/2008-12.html

The Jerk

I always liked Steve Martin.

But I think I take the cake.

Today:
1. I referred to someone I care about as "stock".... Buy low sell high, get out while you can.
2. Missed drinks with my friend from NYC to argue the deficeincies in scientific reasoning with my brother (we do this all the freakin' time, love him.. but we can do that any day)
3. Let little crap this evening ruin an absolutely stellar day
4. Missed my other brother's birthday party
5. Complained

I want to be a nicer person.