Vision Quest #12: White Flags

learning how to function while you are weak teaches you a couple of things.

1. It's a waste of time to chase after cars that will never stop
2. Settling is never a good idea, but accepting reality can be
3. Ever the determinist, I believe there is no true free will, so believe every moment has a purpose

Vision Quest #12 :: For the love of god!

stop going to interviews if you don't want the job!

Vision Quest #11 :: Fill-er-up!

Loving people is draining. Yes, this is true. But so is an oil change. I look forward to getting filled back up.

Vision Quest #10 :: Topsy Turvy

Topsy Turvy

I want someone to tell me why I don't just go out and get what I want already.  I mean, I know what it is.  I'm totally prepared for life with it or without it.  I like things the way they are, but simple content is not nearly as sweet as the bliss of goals attained.  I gotta admit my "retirement fund" is looking slim.  I'm not afraid of the challenge... win or lose.  I'm basically ripe for the picking.  

Guess I need someone to come along and pull me off this damn tree because I can't seem to pick myself and fall into the perfect basket.  Hope it happens soon.  Looks like my only other option besides these birds pecking is to spoil and fall flat on my face.  Don't think that exactly counts as being a go-getter.

Vision Quest Lesson #9 :: Structuralism

Structuralism:     Everything is a system.... can be mapped or charted out.

strophe: puts out a certain conclusion

antistrophe: modifies

The semiotician looks at individual instances.

The structuralist looks at all instances & comes to a universal conclusion.

I really love structure... in theory.  But not being able to separate one from all when 'concluding' annoys the snot outta me.

Suppose I'm going to have to admit structuralism is not at the top of my list of beloved philosophical doctrines

 

Vision Quest Lesson #8 :: Deconstruction of coco

Marxism: distinction between theory & practice

• goal of a socialist is to poke holes in the superstructure (=>inevitable collapse) via revolution.
• necessity: must convice people 

Deconstrucion: theory IS practice. practice IS theory

• goal of the intellectual is to not become the mouthpiece for power.  
• fight power by damaging using it's own tools against itself.
• result: validity is lost.

Deconstruction removes belief system (as to the way things are).
............................I am painfully aware of my preference.  Crooked or broken, still the same essence regardless of original 'form' ~ 

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Vision Quest #7: You never know.... It can always be worse.

u never know what can happen.

I met this lady a few years ago and I immediately adored her. She was charismatic, educated, savvy and possesed multitudes of qualities I rate highly in others. I was drawn to her by both admiration and intrigue. She was financially smart, supported worthy causes, and freakin' hilarious fun to be with.

The purpose of the verbose intro was let you know that crap can land in just about anybody's lap. This awesome lady was involved in an auto accident that resulted in serious injuries and a fatality. Her life is forever changed. She's still the same person, but she will never be the same.

A lifetime can change in an instant. If I have any control over anything in life, I vow to be certain each moment, each memory... is one that will forever remind me of the good person I am and the good people I choose to share my life with.

Drafts, Edits, and Posts

Why do I have so many more drafts than actual posts?

Possibilities:
1. I hate being misunderstood more than anything (misunderstood would include loosely such things as prejudices, assumptions, and all around ego-centric states wherein others impose jugement on me/you/anyone else).
2. I suck at editing. My mind is a gift and a curse. Although it is very stimulating, it goes speed-racer like a mouse on cocaine and I can't always keep up. I seriously have to resort to music/tv/books/sex to shut it down in order to sleep.
3. I don't want to be vulnerable right now, (nearly everything I post is from my heart). As strong as I am, I also have a lot going on at the moment. Some tidbits: I have a close friend facing a vehicular homicide sentence (non-dui, just a freak accident). I found a couple of significant folks from my past. My grandma is dying. I can't fall in love for the life of me. It's very overwhelming.
4. I am on a creative cycle that is quite revolutionary. Renaissance~esque coupled with category 5 storm destructiveness. Very confusing to say the least.

"You made me acknowledge the devil in me
I hope to God I'm talking metaphorically,
Hope that I'm talking alegorically,
Know that I'm talking about the way I feel"

Vision Quest Lesson #6

It's pretty brutal when you realize you are heading in the wrong direction, spinning your wheels, or fighting for a lost cause. It's especially tough when it happens in matters of the heart. But ignoring those red-flags to avoid the beating will only delay the inevitable.

Vision Quest Lesson #1

My opinion on "Love"

I want the kind of love I had when I was young before baggage and expectations. I know it is all aound us, but at this age, we tend to either commit before we know it's right or not commit when it is right! There's got to be a better formula, don't ya think???

Vision Quest Lesson #5

When it comes to human behavior, study everything. Observation is power, it is change. Heck it screwed up standard scientific reasoning and gave us Quantum. But observation is not enough to become a conclusion in and of itself.

Vision Quest Lesson #4

Although I am a strong believer in forming one's own opinion, there are exceptions to the rule... EX: When someone professes proudly from the get-go that they are a "douche": BELIEVE them. Take everything else they say at face value. It apparantly does not matter how likeable they portray themselves, the douche part will eventually come out. Dr. Jeckyl cannot hide Mr. Hyde.

Vision Quest Lesson #3

Pay attention to the signs that someone in your life ought not be there.