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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Just because you are a "Samantha, doesn't mean you are a "pimp"

Yesterday, I was called a "pimp"
Not sure if that was meant as a good or bad thing. I'm enjoying being single right now. Don't get me wrong, I love being in love as much as the next gal. I just don't want to rush it. I really feel comfortable with myself and I don't LONG for it. Don't need it. Would want it someday again, but I want it to feel right this time so I'm going to take my sweet time.
"I'm known to walk alone...But I'm alone for a reason" Beyonce, Upgrade U
If he's out there, we'll find each other. But he's just going to have to build the friendship first. It's not that I'm difficult or high maintenance- I'm about as far from that as they come (so I've been told). It's just that I've fallen for men before just for the physical and I've learned it alone doesn't make things last. I've stayed out of that mess by my own choice long enough to see that the two are separate things, but one without the other is nothing.
"Cause um... the sex was good you had my mind and I, I let you come back every time" Mary J Blige Enough Cryin'
I realize it's an integral componant to *love* ... making love ... but sex and making love are two different things. I don't make love to just anybody. I have to be in love, or at least in something. I've mistaken sex for love so many times. I certainly was no Charlotte looking for a husband. But damn, just cuz I was raised a good little Catholic girl, I don't have to love every man I touch.
I'm going to be allright all by myself unless I find this:
"Girl it's only U..have it your way. And if U want U can decide, and if you'll have me. I can provide everything that U desire. Said if U get a feeling...Feeling that I am feeling. Won't U come closer 2 me baby, you've already got me right where U want me baby. I just wanna be your man"D'Angelo How Does It Feel
Sooooo... I really have only one thing to say to anyone who thinks that a woman dating casually and not jumping head first into a relationship with the first guy that comes along (if I'm a pimp and that's a bad thing...):
"Love me or hate me it's still an obsession. If you love me then, thank-you. If you hate me then...F**K YOU!" Lady Sovereign... Love Me Or Hate Me
So I'm single for a reason. I waited a minute before I started jumping into this game so I knew I was in the right place. Because I never wanted to be vacant. How can I love if there's nothing left to give?
"Now how can he have her heart when it got stole?" Amy Winehouse He Can Only Hold Her

Monday, June 18, 2007

What friends will tell you that family can't

like...WHOA!
An interesting convo with my best friend this evening....
Funny how friends can be the island we need to stand on from time to time when our arms are sore from the dog paddle keeing afloat. More than family at times. Only because family hurts for you too much and sometimes cannot get past the expectations...
I have decided not to apologize for my choices.
My best friend understands.
She tells me what I want when I'm too scared to admit it to myself. Why have I talked about you for months. I want but can't have. You have been on my mind for more than a year. He's always been there, my whole life...he's never the same person but it's always the same story, too young, too old, too far away, too taken. Why am I such a dreamer? Why not want what's right in front of me? "But baby, you do want him, he's here and you want him. You need to just stop being so cool with youself and try to be cool with another." But won't that be a disaster? I'm certain it couldn't be that simple.. Just learn to work as a team, you can't always be the professor.
But who the hell knows? Not me. I'm letting some of my protective force fields down little by little. At the moment, I'm not ready to bungee jump or swim in the dark water yet. I'm just riding the kiddie roller coaster and that's good enough for me, for now.